On Mindsets And Their Power

On Mindsets And Their Power

https://www.thecut.com/2018/05/the-best-relationship-advice-for-people-who-hate-conflict.html

Here's an article that I really like. For one, it presents a simple but realistic and effective way of understanding relationships, and I'm the kind of person who loves simplicity.

For seconds, the whole concept of fixed versus growth mindsets in this article can apply to the work of improving ourselves and our emotional patterns, including of course, our anxiety.

For third, a lot of emotional patterns people struggle with are closely and linked to relationship problems in a two-way bind (they feed off each other). So any additional tools to help with relationships would only be a good thing for people with troubled emotional patterns.

So, the gist of this article is that people generally approach improving themselves and also their relationships with two broad attitudes:
1) The Fixed or it's-my-destiny-I-can't-help-it mindset

Versus:

2) The Growth or nothing-is-cast-in-stone-I-can-take-matters-into-my-own-hands mindset

No points for guessing which one is more helpful. Generally though, people who apply the first mindset to both their emotional and relationship lives end up feeling dis-empowered, and dependent on others or on things to help them get ahead.

They also end up developing a sub-mindset which is disturbing - I call it the "I'm just surviving" mindset. This is the part where people tend to believe that their lives are a train-wreak just being staved off by good-luck and events. Funny enough, some people who are so into self-help and self-improvement clandestinely use this mindset.

They would sooner visualize a golden beam of luck from the heavens encasing them than take action to face the messiness of their lives, in order to sort them out. This is not to say that ALL people who are into self-help approach life this way, just some.

The Growth mindset on the other hand, is much more positive-facing approach. It is actually in line with approaches to emotional growth link mindfulness, Focusing, CBT, psychodynamic therapy and other forms of psychotherapy.

The Growth mindset focuses on not on being perfect to begin with or as a goal to achieve (a dangerous notion in any relationship), but become better or even good-enough. However, it also implies that we have an almost limitless room to grow. It further implies that this growing process is usually painful (like going to the gym after never having exercised a single muscle in your whole life). Even better, it suggests that growth is a flexible process, and when we do get stuck somewhere, we can find other areas of ourselves to grow.

I like this mindset. A lot.

Which one do you prefer?

Eric.

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